
Tearing Others Down Never Builds You Up
Tearing Others Down….
Bernard C. Meltzer hosted the radio call-in show What’s Your Problem? from 1969 through the mid 1990’s. He would answer questions professional or personal and would often counsel his call-in guests to “Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.” Good advice.
And yet, at some point, most of us have witnessed or even participated in making someone else look bad. But why do many, if not most of us participate? There are a few reasons, here are three of them:
- Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem often struggle with an internal narrative of self-judgment. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, those who feel insecure about their own worth are more likely to project their insecurities onto others. By pointing out someone else’s perceived flaws, they momentarily distract themselves and others from their own perceived shortcomings.
- Unhappiness: Unhappy people often feel discomfort seeing others in a state of joy or success often leading to a sense of jealousy. Critical attacks are an attempt to make themselves happy by bringing others down to their emotional level. While this might provide a fleeting sense of satisfaction, it perpetuates their own unhappiness.
- Attention-Seeking: Sharing negative information often attracts attention, giving the person spreading it a false sense of power or inclusion. Yet, the attention gained from tearing others down rarely leads to any meaningful relationships.
Never Builds You Up…
Criticizing or gossiping about others may seem harmless at first, but the unintended consequences are harsh…even for the person spreading the negativity, which very well may lead to the following:
- Eroded Trust: Research in workplace dynamics from the Harvard Business Review shows that gossip and negative behavior erode team cohesion and lead to diminished trust. People notice patterns of behavior. If you’re constantly gossiping or criticizing others, colleagues and friends may begin to view you as untrustworthy.
- The Wrong Kind of Attention: Seeking attention by criticizing others often backfires. Instead of gaining admiration or respect, this behavior can make others wary of forming a genuine connection with you. Over time, this leads to shallow relationships rather than the strong bonds built on mutual respect and support.
- Negativity Breeds Negativity: The Law of Attraction suggests that what you put out into the world tends to come back to you. Negativity creates a cycle, attracting more negativity into your life. Surrounding yourself with this energy only reinforces feelings of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
Here is some final advice from Bernard C. Meltzer: “There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up.” That’s how you build yourself up.
Keep leading well,
Jeff